This past week has been a tough one for me, and I have had in my mind all week what I wanted to write about but part of me is scared because I don't want to be criticized, but that is part of being accountable to the public eye. When I decided to make my successes and failures public then I knew I would have to take the good with the bad.
So, with all that in mind, here goes. I gained 10 pounds this week. I am the first one to admit that I did not eat well over the weekend. So some of you (or maybe all of you) wonder how I could have gained so much in a week's time. I don't have an answer to that, but I do know what I did or didn't do. I did not exercise last week, and I blew the entire weekend, beginning with Friday after I got off from work and it didn't stop until Sunday when I went to bed.
One of the things going through my head is that I have never lost more than 55 pounds total while dieting. I am scared of getting past that. I don't know why I feel this way but I do. I think I am afraid of changing. I have been like this all my life and I don't know anything different. I have always had no self confidence and I am afraid to an extent. I was also depressed last week, my medical issues have caused me to be depressed to an extent. I do know that when I feel depressed I eat, so this is another one of my reasons. I am not making excuses for what I am doing, I take full responsibility for my actions.
I am having problems with my knees. This has been brought on by the extreme weight I placed on them in the first place, so while I know that I am not making it any worse, I tend to ask myself why I keep doing this if it doesn't seem to be helping. Now I know better than to think that but that was my mindset last week. My knees (now it is both) are really bothering me alot right now, and that is going to happen unless I have some kind of knee surgery, but the tear in my right knee is not severe enough to warrant a surgery. The left knee is just now starting to give me problems.
All I really know right now is that I need to keep losing weight. I went to the gym last night and I am back on a healthy diet plan so I think I am back on track. I am also turning this over to God, He is the only one who can help me through this right now.
So, did I learn anything from this? I am accepting the responsibility and not breaking down or crying about it, but I am far from having this all figured out. With time and with God all things are possible.
Until next week, when I hope to have a better prognosis and attitude, I hope to lose nothing but weight and gain nothing but knowledge.
1 comment:
Rhonda,
I think you should plan for a few setbacks. That way it won't seem so devastating when they happen. If it were easy, everyone would do it! Just keep plugging away, because you know how vitally important this endeavor is to your life and the lives of your loved ones.
Just remember, the benefits of your increasingly healthy lifestyle for the past year do not disappear when you gain a few pounds back.
Keep your chin up! Things will get better!
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