Finally a name has been chosen

So, we are now called the Downsizers...
Usually that name has a negative sound, but in this case it is a good thing.
Where do I start this week? I have so much on my mind, so much that is bothering me. I gained four pounds this week, I guess it shouldn't surprise me, I had not been following my food plan and even though I made it to the gym three times last week, it just wasn't enough to ward off the gain.
I am thinking alot about self image and self esteem. I am finding out that reading about people who have lost 100 pounds or more is such a motivation to me. These people inspire me and if they can do then surely I can do it right? Kim Bensen will remain my true source of inspiration, she cares...as I am sure all the people who have lost significant amounts of weight do. Being this overweight makes us want to compensate in other areas, so that is why we seem happy, or "jolly". I know we all care about others in situations like our own, we have lived this life, we go through things that "thin" people don't go through. I have a new source of "mini" inspiration right now. Ruby Gettinger, she has a reality television show on the Style network. I do not have cable, so I just found out about her because Season 1 of her DVD just became available and I watched it and she is amazing. However as great as I think she is, her story doesn't help with what I am dealing with right now.
My mom has just lost a very dear friend, to a very unexpected and tragic death. This woman came into my mom's life when my mom needed someone to understand and motivate her. My mom is an amazing mother, she has always been there for everyone, and her kids are no exception. She has always wanted the best for us and has tried very hard to provide for us, but it was hard when she didn't have a high school education. I think her kids turned out okay, she pushed us all to finish high school and we did. I went to college and graduated and my sister went to cosmetology school; however has chosen a different path to follow, and my brother is a self taught computer whiz. My mom's dream was to get her GED and she finally decided to do it and that is where she met this new friend. She had a deep impact on my mom's life and has found out with the passing of her friend that my mom had an impact on her life as well. This friend of my mom's was a wonderful, talented, extremely intelligent person, who did not feel worthy. She did not think she deserved to have anything good in her life, nor did she feel she was special in any way. She was an overweight woman, and I am sure that is how she saw herself, but those who knew her and cared for her didn't see that. What a tragedy that this woman did not see herself as her friends and family saw her.
My point to all this...this is how I have been looking at my life. I do not feel worthy of anything. My self worth is based on my weight and appearance. Much like my mom's friend, I have family and friends who love me and support me. I just haven't seen it until now. I haven't taken the time to tell everyone that you mean the world to me, and I know that I mean something to all of you. I need to be more mindful of that as I keep on with this. I may have my struggles and trust me I am having them, but I know how many people in my life is rooting for me and supporting me. I don't have to be told this everyday, I know. I just sometimes get side tracked.
I know that you all will still feel the same way about me now as when I get the weight off. For this, I am so blessed.
There are so many other things running through my mind right now, but I am going to sit and contemplate them before writing about it. Just know that I am on track, my diet is going good this week, I am going to try and start walking around the track at the gym, and when I can't do the water classes I will still be able to get in a different type of exercise.
Until next week, I hope to lose nothing but weight and gain nothing but knowledge.